Christine* is a Senior Pharmacist. In this candid and inspiring story, she kindly shares her experience with alcohol dependency to highlight how Pharmacist Support can provide support with overcoming addiction and to encourage other people in similar situations to reach out to the charity.

I always liked science and knew that pharmacy offered a secure job with lots of career opportunities, so thought I’d give it a try. It certainly hasn’t disappointed, and I’ve had the privilege of being able to work across a number of settings and be part of the profession as it has evolved beyond traditional dispensing to become a cornerstone of modern health and patient-centred care.

When starting my career, I always enjoyed a glass of wine with a meal or a night out with my friends.

But over time as my friends settled down, I started to drink on my own. At first it was just a few glasses on a Friday night to mark the weekend, it wasn’t something I thought I needed to worry about. Then I gradually started to drink more and increasingly rely on alcohol as a crutch or to unwind.

I knew I was drinking too much but found myself making excuses, rationalising it, and kidding myself it was normal, after all everyone has a glass of wine with dinner. I’d cut my drinking right back, only to find that a few months later my drinking had not only crept back up again but gotten worse. In the middle of this I found out I was pregnant. I stopped drinking immediately but unfortunately miscarried. I had a drink to drown my sorrows but quickly found I had lost any ability to control my alcohol intake.

My life was unravelling in front of my eyes.

On one hand, I couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol, and on the other, I couldn’t bear the thought that I might be an alcoholic. I didn’t want to talk to anybody about it and was so ashamed, particularly as a health care professional, who “should know”. I started to think that this was my lot, and just the way things were going to be for me. I wondered how long I could keep up the pretence as I became more and more isolated from friends and family.

I was empty, and knew in my heart I couldn’t continue like this – I needed to do something.

I got in touch with my GP and the local drug and alcohol service. I managed to reduce my alcohol intake but found support from local services to be disjointed. A formal investigation at work was also leaving me stressed and having difficulty navigating it all. This, coupled with feelings of embarrassment, shame and fear of people finding out meant that my mind was always catastrophising and I couldn’t focus on abstinence. I was trying to fight for survival and control everything but was completely out of my depth. I needed more support to unpack and deal with my alcohol use … I knew what I’d done so far was only a sticking plaster and wasn’t working.

When I rang the Pharmacist Support Addiction Support number, I was fully aware that I was in a mess.

I’d become dependent on alcohol and that I needed help to do something about it urgently. After an initial conversation with the Pharmacist Support team, they put me in touch with their addiction’s specialist Paul Sunderland. Paul asked me some questions about what was going on for me. I was able to speak openly and felt an immediate sense of relief. For the first time, I felt confident that I could move past this, that I wasn’t a bad person, and that I wasn’t alone. Paul’s knowledge about addiction, and his empathy and confidence that there was a way forward for me, meant that I was able to put my trust in him and accept the care and support I needed. He suggested that a stay at a residential rehab could provide me with a safe space to stop drinking and focus on recovery.